Sunday 24 May 2009

Jumping Jack Flat

ADHD etc, Is this when the activity of the mind i.e. thinking, cannot easily be separated from the urge to move? I'm wondering because I seem to have a bit of this at times. When my thinking gets going at times I just cannot sit down, I've got to walk around.

And the other way around, when I walk I can find my thinking at times becoming transcendent. It's odd because I spent so long thinking of myself as lazy.

In the end it turned out that I was more exhaustion with the negative way I'd become used to seeing myself that I was disinclined towards activity. This created an aura of aversion towards moving anticipatory feelings that it would be unpleasant and when I got through that I'd be engulfed by a sense of despair and hopelessness.

I'd built up systemic tension from my mind that I think spread to my body along the nervous system, to the point where repeatedly release over a period of years, began to change my mental as well as physical function.

It's then I became more aware of how much I can struggle to separate the activity of thought from that of the body and vice versa. It seemed to reveal it more.

I don't claim to have a deep understanding of hyperactivity, but I do know that as I felt more frustrated, suppressed angry and boxed in, I developed an "ants in the pants" syndrome and when my clumsiness got slapped down one too many times, I became demoralised enough to stop expressing myself physically as the mood took me.

I have always regretted letting go that way......

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