Saturday 30 April 2011

Shifting moral sands....

The central posit of the obesity construct is weight as a product of your lack of moral will being the agent of your doom. You have therefore become your own enemy.

You must go to war with that enemy within. You must expunge it, in doing so you will attain the freedom of slim.

Whether that is true or not it’s fair to say people signed up for ‘anti obesity’ on that basis.

Vanity can make you try but cannot make you keep going. A deeper hook is required. People are right when they say pure vanity is shallow it is, surprisingly so.

That should be good news but in the topsy turvey world of fat hate, it's something to be shamed for.

On the basis that weight was in our power to control and that if we weren’t controlling it we were being neglectful in our duty to ourselves and our society. We could keep fighting what was effectively a non-existent "will to fa"t which actually turned out to be our own will to be.

We could see we were ‘wrong’ because we are good people. That's the source of vulnerability, not oppression, but the belief not only in ones own goodness, underneath it all, but even more in the goodness of others.

We assumed it would be simple as said. Eat less, do more, didn’t think they’d be any more to it. When it proved harder, that is what many of us tried harder. Even if we didn’t or couldn’t, we had the sense of decency to feel bad about that.

Everything changed the moment it was decided fat people were actually bad people as opposed to good people falling short, behaving badly, being fallibly human, if irritatingly so.

B.A.D-F.A.T.T.Y was the end of all that.

The first thing that flew out of me when people started asserting, a fat person is a bad person was “No I’m not.”

It came from deep within, if it hadn't doubt might have stopped me saying it.

It came from the part that’s still comparing your acquired ‘beliefs’ to actual rational common sense.

That was probably one of the first times I’d asserted myself naturally and unequivocally since starting my food restriction career. It was like the voice of me that had been stifled by complete obedience.

It was the first time in forever that I’d spoken from the heart, kept the faith, stood my ground with what I knew to be true about myself as if I was just a human being, rather than an empty puppet to be guided by wiser heads.

It was the start of me speaking against the flow of what I was told, it was the first resistance, the first limit to be set on the extent of deference.

That is when the crusade began to seriously overplay its hand.

I didn’t sign up to be my own enemy, abuser, avenger and destroyer. I got caught up in that as a side effect of keeping my eyes on the goal and doing whatever it took.

In a way, I was slowly drawn in and mesmerized by my unending gaze. I didn't connect the effects with the cause because it was "the right thing"

As we all know, if something bad is happening, it flows from the actions of badness; right?

I did not sign up to bear false witness to myself, but to uncover and face the truth, no matter how uncomfortable and act on it.

After B-A-D.

No matter what I or anyone else did, that sense of acting according to moral duty was over. Never again would it be anything more than mindless obedience and that just makes a mockery of all we have put ourselves through, taking for granted that we have no sense of self preservation or desire to protect ourselves from harm.

IOW owned for life.

That's always the way with bullies, once they've hooked you, they never think you will ever resist.

It turned people from moral agents of their will, into fall guys suckers or as it is said over here, complete MUGS.

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